the living sacrifice

May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half truths and superficial relationships
So that you may live deep within your heart

May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people
So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace

May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war,
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and
To turn their pain into joy

And may God bless you with enough foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world,
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done
To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor

A Franciscan Benediction

At prayer today, we shared much about being holy and pure for Him. It touched my heart deeply. May this inspire me to set my heart more resolutely towards the heavenly Kingdom. When Uncle dropped me at the rear gate, I took some time to observe the sky tonight. Such vastness. Such freedom. It made my heart want to take flight into that refreshing air even for just a moment. 'But in the garden, God asks us to go back into the world', said Pastor See. And I believe there is much truth in that. Yet for now, at least for now, I am just going to be a little girl lost in the quietness of the night. I am not alone. Not tonight. At least.

Purify my heart
Let me be as gold and precious silver
Purify my heart
Make me be as gold, pure gold

Lord, I want to be thankful that You have put me in charge of this concert even though I am so new to this whole thing. Lord, we dont have a theme. We dont know how the performers are going to appear on stage. We havent had our first rehearsal. And through all the audition rounds we have sensed that there is such a huge inertia among the smartest and most talented children. Lord, You know that our purpose is right, that only want to bless those who participate and those who come to be entertained. You know that I set out doing this only hoping to know more of the children and to show them that we arent here to make life miserable for them, but to give them a sense of direction, and if possible, hope. Lord, You know my heart.

You have caused everything to progress up to this stage. And I have asked You to bring only the right people--people who have a reason, known or unknown to them, to do what they are going to do. Lord, it is Your concert and if You want it to turn out glorifying to Your Name then You are going to send us the right emcee. You know what sort of an anchor we need--You know what atmosphere we need to project to loosen the children's angst and prejudices against boarding events. You know, Lord and we need You to help us.

Lord, we are coming in Your Name so show Your hand to us. And if I dont see Your hand then teach me to trust Your heart. You know what the management thinks about this whole thing and You know how I feel about it, too. Sometimes I just feel like exploding like a bomb but I am going to choose to stay sane for You and for the kids. Could You please help me to regain my peace and cool about this whole thing.

Please grant me a heart of a servant. When are we going to see the Strange Attractor? When are we going to look past this chaos and to see the pattern of Your plan, which pulls us together for something we would love to be in? I am going to wait wait wait.

Every time I pray I move the hand of God.

I might want to come back to this site to blog some time. Pretty skin isnt it?

I have so much to tell you but I dont know where to start.

Will try again tonight!